CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED and EIGHTY-TWO
(part two)
She waited for him to find the words.
“I think I’ve always been committed to you, to us,” Jeraine said. “I remember like it’s in crystal – our first kiss, our first date, the first time we spent a whole night together. My commitment has always been to you but…”
“But…?”
“It made me anxious,” he said. “I didn’t know I could have you and… I thought…”
“It was one or the other,” Tanesha said.
He nodded.
“You put us, me, in the way of your dream,” she said.
He nodded.
“So you had to destroy us to have your dream,” she said.
He nodded.
“You’re a fool,” she said.
“I am?” he asked.
“Your dreams come from us, from this,” she gestured to him and to herself.
“It does?”
“Go look at those fancy records on the wall.”
Getting out of bed, she took his hand and led him out of their bedroom to the hallway. She flicked on the light. The light flashed on the gold and platinum albums and singles that lined both walls in the hallway.
“Look at the singles,” she said. He looked at her. “Go on.”
He didn’t move. She pushed him toward the wall.
“What am I looking at?” he asked.
“What are these songs about?” she nodded toward the wall.
He looked at her and looked at the wall.
“Just look at them,” she said. “I’m going to make some tea.”
Tanesha went into the kitchen. The tea pot was already warm from the cup she’d made when they got home. She took out a chamomile tea bag and her favorite mug. She had just poured the hot water when he appeared.
“They’re songs about you,” he said.
“About us,” she said.
“And?”
“We are your creative power,” Tanesha said.
Putting her tea up to her lips, she watched the thought work across his face.
“I’ve been fighting against myself, the source of my own strength,” he said.
“How many songs have you written since I’ve been staying here?” she asked.
“About thirty,” he said.
“That seems like a lot.” She wasn’t sure if it was the drugs that addled his brain or that he literally didn’t get it. He gave her a blank stare. “Is it normal for you to write so much?”
“No but I’m not…”
“And why aren’t you?”
His eyes blinked. He was silent so long she wondered if he was having a stroke.
“You do this to me,” he said.
“We have a power, a strength that we can only access through each other,” she said.
“Oh.”
“Imagine what you could do if you really committed here,” she said. “You think about it. I’m going to take a bath to wash some of this man off me.”
Carrying her tea, Tanesha walked around him to the bathroom. She filled the tub with the bubblegum bubbles Katy had given her for her birthday. She was just getting settled when he came in.
“You’re right,” he said. “I’m not as successful as I could be because I don’t have us.”
“Of course,” she said. “What are you going to do about it?”
“I’m going to learn to stop fighting my commitment to you and us,” he said. “I left a message for my therapist saying I want to talk about this so I don’t forget or chicken out.”
Tanesha nodded. Lost in thought, he stood by the side of the tub.
“Are you coming in?”
“You’ll just get more man on you,” he said.
“Maybe I just want some more of that power that comes through you,” Tanesha smiled.
Shaking his head at her, he joined her in the tub.
Denver Cereal continues tomorrow…